Hell to the NO !, Insomnia, And, For A Good Time, Call...Someone Else.

Hell to the NO!
Sometimes I wish I was a large, sassy black woman. Okay, mainly just for the sassy quips. There's just so much character behind the words, even if just a few words. People be crazy. See ?

Hello, Insomnia.
It's a Monday night. I'm exhausted and would welcome sleep but it does not arrive. My brain will not go to sleep.

I have a disease. It's called you're-one-of-those-people-that-thinks-too-much. If unharnessed could easily have been of an OCD disposition.

Mid-life crises come early. You question everything in a time of crisis. And maybe, you can't sleep.

For example, I love TV. I love writing. I love food. I do not LOVE LA. Los Angeles. I don't mind LA, I take the good with the bad, there are things I enjoy and hate about LA, but no, I am not one of those transplants whom absolutely, unequivocally, annoyingly, loves LA and everything about it.

Really. If you pitch the weather to me one more time, I just might throw up.

So, here we are. Back to the table. Back to reality. Gotta pay the bills. When did life latch onto your soul and start saying 'gotta pay the bills' ? Insert lamenting the lost days of youth here. So odd, these places we find ourselves in, these people we find we've somehow become one day.

Perhaps, if you are given everything and desire nothing, you wouldn't feel as anguished as I do. Or, if everything in life has always worked out smoothly with no detours, delays, or bumps, then you wouldn't stop to reexamine, to question, or to any loss of sleep.

I wonder if the migraines are from thinking too much. Must be a certain personality type that is pre-disposed to such things.

I absolutely love closing my eyes. Getting into a hot bath and closing my eyes and forgetting the world around me for twenty minutes. The world does keep turning, then you keep on turning.

God, I'm tired. Hoping the hot milk will hit soon.

For A Good Time, Call...Someone Else
I just want to be alone right now. Ya know ? I have revisited the goal of seeking LA's Great Escapes - the places I go to in the LA area where I feel like I'm getting away from LA - the traffic, the people, the noise.

Oh yeah - made the mistake of dishing out my plans for the weekend - sometimes you invite one person, and ten people end up showing up ? Oh, mutual friend groups. Didn't realize that what I needed the most was some alone time. Gosh! Sometimes life is so demanding that the person whose needs are not being met are yours - and hey, I'm not even a mother or married.

Listen to yourself, folks. Go ahead, go on, do it yourself, because I'm not going to take a plus one to my LA Escape this time; I just want to be alone right now.

Note to self: discover more great LA Escapes.
Supplemental note to self: Do not reveal all aforementioned Escapes. This may compromise the very nature of their existence.

Water!

I couldn't fall asleep last night.

The vivid image of my friend's eyelids fluttering closed while her eyes rolled back to the side of her head just before she collapsed in front of me kept flashing into my head.

A wave of panic and you go from a moment of leisure in a club to being gripped by fear.

No OD here. No alcohol, no roofie, no substance abuse whatsoever. Just plain lack of food and water. She was dehydrated and had only eaten a single meal that day, apparently.
But food. And water. The most primitive, essential human needs for survival.

Maybe the most disturbing thing about all this was the nonchalance with which she was already over it. Over the fact that she was unconscious for ten incredibly tortuous seconds, lying on the floor of The Mayan, her friend yelling her name, enveloped in complete surreality of what was happening. The feeling that a dear friend may not be taking care of herself is in the back of your brain, the warning signs, every subtle hint of a red-flagged piece of behavioral evidence suddenly rushes up to the surface of your brain all at once.

I can't stomach this kind of drama. It wasn't even that dramatic - makes sense on paper - 'she was dehydrated, so she fainted.'

But I can't sleep.

Drink tons of water, people. Forget Hollywood. Remember to eat. Multiple times a day.