Crimes, Lines, and Guest Stars

Guilty of crimes against humanity

People who have the inability to listen. ATD in kindergarten, were we?

People who can't keep things in confidence.

People who insult your intelligence.

Whoever put "coffee" in the official job description. How do you live with yourself? No, really. How do you sleep at night?

People I can't talk to about pop culture. You kill me.

Lines that steal.

"Shower shorts. For the man who has nothing to hide... but still wants to - J.D., Scrubs, 'My Screw-Up.'

"Does he have a return policy?" Simon Fuller, American Idol. In response to the audition from the girl who credited her voice as given from God. Caustic, yet hi-larious.

"I saw a cow." Lost. I'm not sure which character since I'm not a loyal viewer. Anyone want to save me the trouble? Also since when was Ken Leung on Lost and why didn't anyone tell me? He had me at Sucker Free City.

Guest stars and such
On another note, Ugly Betty haunchos, please bring back John Cho! One of my fave guest stars of the season that I wish there was more of. But did anyone see that Gabrielle Union recurring role coming? Seriously.
And all us VM fans are anxiously awaiting Kristen Bell's stint to expand upon her recurring role on Heroes and voicing Gossip Girl. Jerry Seinfeld and Conan O'Brien on 30 Rock another highlight.

Other guest stars I'm dying to see...Lauren Graham, Dane Cook, Seth Green, Drew Barrymore, Darryl 'Chill' Mitchell, Jason Mraz, Kal Penn, Janeane Garofalo, David Spade, Diego Luna, P. Diddy, Conan O'Brien (again).

Signs

There are certain events in life that stand out to me - things that remind me of the fact that I have very little power in this world, but someone up there hasn't forgotten about me. Sure, faith is personal, and I don't know if most people's beliefs in atheism, the supernatural, or modern world religions come into play, but for me, nothing happens in complete futility.

The specifics

Hot water pressure: the hot water pressure problem has been plaguing my roommate and I ever since we moved into our apartment. Nonexistent hot water pressure - resulting in more of a trickle-down effect of water in the shower, which sometimes isn't even that hot. Also, the water takes a couple minutes to warm up - shower, sink, and kitchen.

I killed a spider in my room. It was on my bed.

Our evil neighbors blocked my car in this morning and left a scratch on my bumper.

Our evil neighbors.

There is no heat in our bedrooms.

Any parking ticket issued in the greater Los Angeles area.

Paying for parking anywhere.
Alright, I'm noticing that this is becoming more of a list of cons about L.A., so let me return the focus to more relevant events.

The ongoing strike. This goes hand-in-hand with...

The neverending job search in this industry.

Temping gigs are also super-quiet these days.

There's no love in LA. Anyone else notice the heavy marketing efforts of Singles Awareness Day?

What's a struggling assistant, I mean temp, to think, say, do? It's been a tumultuous ride these past several months. I have gained a level of understanding with other friends that have experienced extended searches for jobs (six months to a year or longer). All of these educated, intelligent, well-spoken adults with plenty of ambition and maturity, yet they're in the job market for months. I think it's a miracle that anyone survives the months of self-deprecation, disappointment, and debt.
So I'm wondering if it's not the time for me. All these things add up and my heightened awareness of these signs are what trouble me of late. There's only so much a struggling assistant can take. Either my west coast experience is ending and I should take heed of another calling, or I should stick, and keep on keepin' on.
Ah, decisions. Don't you love those character-building years of your twenties?

Besides, those $3.50 designer cupcakes won't pay for themselves. (Sidenote: I wonder what the typical assistant salary affords in Los Angeles and how this lifestyle survives, on average. More on this later.)

COTW

Malibu con piña. Ok, anything with Malibu.

That guy at my neighborhood gym who looks kind of like Dane Cook. Except with an earring and tattooed.

People who treat you for stuff without you mentioning the fact that you're unemployed.

On the bright side

Reruns of Seinfeld.

Catching up on season three's eps of Veronica Mars. I'm still hurt, CW.

Finally got around to reading a few books I've been putting off.

Thank God for television, Blockbuster Online, and my roommate's kind offer to use her laptop.

Trader Joe's. Cheese plates and all.

More nights at the salsa club. Hopefully there will be more marketable twentysomething gentlemen there. Whom also love Jason Mraz, dark chocolate, and skiing. To start.

the candy monster works out

Attention All Overdressed Gym Rats: If you're working up a sweat, and feeling a little faint on that treadmill, maybe you should take off one of the many long-sleeved layers you have on. It would be much more comfortable for you, in addition to taking you out of the running (yes pun intended) for hyperthermia. Dude, you're just an eyesore.

Here's the lowdown: wearing four sweatshirts doesn't make you sweat more. You don't burn more calories. Your body overheats since you're not wearing breathable clothing, so it feeling like you're sweating more is only because the perspiration can't dry as quickly under those layers. Thus discomfort and you looking like an idiot. I guess you were ATD in sixth grade health class. Yep, ATD. That's what I'm calling it.

ATD: Absent That Day. This is how I've come to terms with life's asinine moments. How I justify that no, there can't be that many morons in this world that all want to cross paths with me. You must have been ATD in school. Stay in school, kids. Why? So you won't grow up to be a giant moron.

What. You want more? Not now. Heroes is on. I'm out of buttery popcorn-flavored Jelly Belly beans.

[Heroes SPOILER ALERT if you didn't see tonight's episode]

Ok back. Gahh! Sylar's alive?! Okay, so Zachary Quinto doesn't need to look for a new gig anytime soon. All these new characters. The Mexican siblings trying to cross the border (haven't we seen enough of this?). Monica, the cousin of tech-y wiz kid Micah. Claire's love interest and gravity-defying schoolmate, West. Takezo Kensei, the legendary Japanese (yet British) hero that Hiro struggles to help fulfill history.

Granted, with such an ensemble cast, you're bound to skip out on a couple characters here and there in each episode. I mean, developing storylines at the kickoff of a brand spankin' new season is understandable. But nixing out Hiro, Niki, and Peter?

Well, at least there's something else to look forward to. I still have mounting anticipation of Veronica Mars herself, Miss Kristen Bell. Oh, the CW. What were you thinking?!