Big Sticks, Suspect The Old Lady, and Touch-ups.

Big Sticks
Some old dudes carry long sticks or thick branches while they walk along the trails that I frequent @ Griffith Park. I never really gave it much thought, other than, hey, old dudes kind of like walking sticks, I suppose.

While on a rare phone call with my tersely versed father, I mentioned to him that I had started going on regular jogs at the park. He immediately went into overprotective-of-my-daughter-mode. What did he say? He asked if I saw dogs at the park, and I replied, yes, I often see people walking their dogs at the park. He then informed me that I should be going on my runs with a big stick, in the event that I get attacked by a dog.

I shit you not.

My Dad gets more paranoid as time passes He even surprises people, with new, unexpected sources of paranoia that you should definitely consider, apparently.

Always Suspect the Old Lady (or Man)
If you were planning on seeing Devil in theaters, be forewarned of a spoiler. So - went to a screening of the horror movie, about a handful of folks trapped in an elevator in a busy Center City office high-rise in Philadelphia. Who's the guilty one causing all this ? The devil is none other than - spoiler alert! - the harmless-looking old lady. Yup - that's right - suspect the old ladies.

Scene: Urth Caffe in West Hollywood on a late Friday afternoon.
My friend and I catch-up over some lattes. Little did we know, an old man in his 60s was eavesdropping on our entire conversation, taking it upon himself to rise from his status sitting at a table solo to rude old dude nosing his way into our conversation and abrasively questioning and analyzing the facets of our friendship. After a few minutes, we went from slightly interested to annoyed at the rude tenacity of the senior citizen. Nobody cares, we're not interested, find some other women that are younger and more gullible and actually have time in the world to give a shit. 'Cause we ain't them.

Touch-ups.
I'm sitting on the floor of my living room, an opened bottle of OPI's Blue My Mind resting nearby as I touch up the polish on my toes. I wonder for a moment who has the job of naming nail polish colors, because that would be such a fun gig.

Lately I've broken out of my usual Ugly Betty mold - the daily rush to the office and the no-frills attitude of an individual who just doesn't care how she looks and goes for substance over style and whatever's convenient. So, my attitude which stemmed from high school of not caring about what people thought of how I dressed and being on the casual/sloppy side, now being a young professional, now correlates to pure laziness when it comes to getting dressed. And laziness is quite possibly the biggest turn-off ever.

People actually noticed. I just wanted to add a little spring to my step, a refresh, another push of the 'Restart' button. Amazing how monumental effects can result from minor moves.

I've pulled out the dresses and skirts from the forgotten corner of my closet, cleared out the items I would be embarrassed to be wearing in a car accident, and dusted off the make-up compacts and eye colors. No really - I mean DUSTED OFF. I wonder if Tina Fey does the same thing.

Ugly Betty. And, the Search for a Latin Lover. / Betty La Fea. Y, La Búsqueda para un Amante Latino.

Betty Gets More Action Than Me.
Caught an episode of Ugly Betty the other evening. Every time I manage to catch it it brings me back to reality. The fact that I feel like Ugly Betty. Not Amanda, Wilhelmina, or Hilda. Betty. 100%.

It's a curious thing.

Must be something that stemmed from middle school and back in high school. Something inside of you that you feel like you can't escape, make over, or outgrow. That's just it. Once a nerd, always a nerd. With big braces, big glasses, and big waist.

But even Betty gets more action than I do! Four boyfriends in four television seasons ? There's Walter, that accountant, Gio the sandwich guy, and Matt her new boss, and...I know I must be forgetting one more guy. So - more than one guy for every television season. The girl gets around.

The Search for a Latin Lover begins.I have decided.
Next, in my love life, I want a hot Latin lover. I have not dated one before. I do love salsa dancing. Food. Tapas. Spain. Perhaps I should set my sights on a hot Spaniard instead ? Nah, too picky. Apparently, I'm too picky, Mr. Matchmaker-Assistant-at-the-Peacock says. And he wouldn't take me on as a client! (Who's being picky now?) Hey - I'm open-minded. I like to eat, hike, travel.

Maybe its time to hit the salsa clubs again.
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Betty tiene más acción que yo.Atrapado un episodio de Betty La Fea, la otra noche. Cada vez que me lo vi que me trae de vuelta a la realidad. El hecho de que me siento como Ugly Betty. No Amanda, Guillermina, o Hilda. Betty. 100%.

Es una cosa curiosa.

Debe ser algo que se deriva de la escuela media y en la secundaria. Algo dentro de ti que te sientes como que no puede escapar, hacer más, o superar. Esa es la cosa. Una vez que un nerd, siempre es un nerd. Con aparatos grandes, grandes gafas, y la cintura grande.

Pero incluso Betty la acción se vuelve más que yo! Cuatro novios en cuatro estaciones de televisión? Walter, que el contable, Gio el tipo sándwich, Matt y su nuevo jefe, y ... sé que debo estar olvidando una vez más chico. Por lo tanto - más de un tipo para cada estación de televisión!

La búsqueda de un amante latino comienza.He decidido.
A continuación, en mi vida, el amor, quiero un amante latino caliente. No he de fecha anterior. Hago bailar salsa amor. Comida. Tapas. España. Tal vez debería fijar mi mirada en caliente en lugar de un español? No, demasiado exigente. Aparentemente, yo soy demasiado exigente, el Sr. Matchmaker-Asistente-en-el-Peacock, dice. Y no me tomaría como un cliente! (¿Quién está siendo exigente ahora?) Hey - Soy de mente abierta. Me gusta comer, ir de excursión, de viaje.

Quizá su momento de golpear a los clubes de salsa de nuevo.

Crimes, Lines, and Guest Stars

Guilty of crimes against humanity

People who have the inability to listen. ATD in kindergarten, were we?

People who can't keep things in confidence.

People who insult your intelligence.

Whoever put "coffee" in the official job description. How do you live with yourself? No, really. How do you sleep at night?

People I can't talk to about pop culture. You kill me.

Lines that steal.

"Shower shorts. For the man who has nothing to hide... but still wants to - J.D., Scrubs, 'My Screw-Up.'

"Does he have a return policy?" Simon Fuller, American Idol. In response to the audition from the girl who credited her voice as given from God. Caustic, yet hi-larious.

"I saw a cow." Lost. I'm not sure which character since I'm not a loyal viewer. Anyone want to save me the trouble? Also since when was Ken Leung on Lost and why didn't anyone tell me? He had me at Sucker Free City.

Guest stars and such
On another note, Ugly Betty haunchos, please bring back John Cho! One of my fave guest stars of the season that I wish there was more of. But did anyone see that Gabrielle Union recurring role coming? Seriously.
And all us VM fans are anxiously awaiting Kristen Bell's stint to expand upon her recurring role on Heroes and voicing Gossip Girl. Jerry Seinfeld and Conan O'Brien on 30 Rock another highlight.

Other guest stars I'm dying to see...Lauren Graham, Dane Cook, Seth Green, Drew Barrymore, Darryl 'Chill' Mitchell, Jason Mraz, Kal Penn, Janeane Garofalo, David Spade, Diego Luna, P. Diddy, Conan O'Brien (again).

Fluffernutter

I was just thinking about fluffernutter sandwiches. You just don't see them around anymore. Peanut butter and marshmallow spread anchored between two pieces of carb-loaded bread. Mmm, comfort food. I guess I'll put that on the cheat list, along with designer cupcakes, mocha lattes, and hot-off-the-line doughnuts. For a zip code that worships six-pack abs and celebrities, there sure are a lot of doughnut shops and fast food joints packed in this town.

More on the job hunting front: if you're going to ask me to put in a full day of work, "learning the ropes" with one of your own, and call it an "interview," you'd better be able to cough up the money for my time. The things corps get away with. Ciao, Papa.

I lost my Burt's Bees lip balm. I bought another one. Why is it that you can't buy these things in bulk? Marketing ploy, Burt? Then I found my old one later that day.

Million-dollar business idea:
SILENT leaf-blowers. I loathe you, you 8am-on-a-Saturday-morning gardeners.

Lines that steal

"You matter to me, Betty Gonzalez." - Amanda Tannen, Ugly Betty, 'Zero Worship' ep.

"Stripping's like riding a bike. Once you ride that bike, you always got the skill." - Big, Rob and Big, season two ep 205.
These bosom buddies - I hate reality television, but they're just so damn likable. Ridiculous outings, overgrown immaturity and all - and I just can't look away. Their typical misadventures include visits to the nutritionist, hypnotherapist, and stripper dance lessons. But you gotta throw in a kooky phone call to a guy who hooked them up with a time machine. Yeah, I know. Can't change the channel.