Loser-paged Saturday nights, Words People Keep Throwing Around, and 'I Drink Your Milkshake'

It's official. I'm having a bona fide loser Saturday night. It's 10:01p.m. Somehow the weekend is half gone without me making any major plans for the night. How incredibly unexciting. And it's not that I feel like a loser for being home on a Saturday night, it's more of the fact that I'm at home, BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND, on this particular night. It's at least an hour and a half until SNL, and I just don't feel like being home. The kind where you call me at home and I'm not there. 'A la Seinfeld.
Ughh. There were sooo many things I was supposed to accomplish. If only I needed sleep occasionally...
Believe it or not, George isn't at home, where could I be? I could be out or watching TV...

Words People Keep Throwing Around

blasé (adjective) 1. apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or excitement: world-weary. 2. sophisticated; worldly-wise. 3. unconcerned.

bona fide (adjective). 1. made in good faith without fraud or deceit. 2. made in earnest intent; sincere. 3. neither specious nor counterfeit; genuine.

credenza (noun) 1. credence. 2. a sideboard, buffet, or bookcase patterned after a Renaissance; especially one without legs.

credence (noun) 1.a. a mental acceptance as true or real 1.b. credibility. 2. credentials. 3. a Renaissance sideboard used chiefly for valuable plate. 4. a small table where the bread and wine rest before consecration.

impetus (noun) 1.a. a driving force; impulse. 1.b. stimulation or encouragement resulting in increased activity.

incumbent (noun) 1. the holder of an office or ecclesiastical benefice. 2. one that occupies a particular position or place.

formidable (adjective) 1. causing fear, dread, or apprehension. 2. having qualities discourage approach or attack. 3. intending to inspire awe or wonder; impressive.

SNL's 'I Drink Your Milkshake' - sketch from 2/23/08 Ep.

And in television, Words I Thought I Knew, and Klutziness

Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Ep. 2524, February 7th, 2008. Conan gives an unscripted tour of the studio. Oh, Conan. How you make me laugh so.

This Weekend:

The first SNL post-strike, hosted by Tina Fey with musical guest Carrie Underwood.

The under-hyped Oscars on Sunday. At least there's Jon Stewart to look forward to.

Words I Thought I Knew

casbah(noun). A North African castle or fortress.

purveyor (noun). One that supplies (as provisions) usually as a matter of business.

bistro (noun). Yes I know we all pretend we know it - but what really constitutes a bistro? there's a few: 1. a small or unpretentious (a-hem) restaurant. 2a. a small bar or tavern. b. a nightclub.

gluten (noun). Sounds kinda gross. a tenacious elastic protein substance especially of wheat flour that gives cohesiveness to dough. Great. Just do whatever it takes to make the carb, um, the carb.

MSG (noun). 1. master sergeant. 2. monosodium glutamate. Sometimes it does more than just enhance flavor. Attention: do not click on the following link if you don't want to hear the Debbie Downer info regarding the substance.
About MSG

In acts of klutziness news...
I bumped my arm into the bathroom cabinet. Since it was within the first five minutes away from REM, I suppose that's why it took me four inches of the cabinet door scratching into my arm for me to notice. I noticed a moment later the clotted line of blood. Gah, blood - I've nearly forgotten what I'm supposed to do - Neosporin it, rubbing alcohol, rinse with soap and water? Which bandage should I use for a scratch that's four freaking inches long?

Also, in career-related news..
Been temping. Still running low on the potential-for-job-that-I-am-genuinely-interested-in factor.

Happy Single's Awareness Day, Everybody

COTW

Guys that can make decent small talk. Hey, starting the convo is half the battle. I shouldn't be the only making the effort at eliminating those awkward pauses.

ROTW

Guys in flip flops. The flip flop is not a shoe that men should be seen in unless they're at the beach.

Adventure Boys
Also: When's Elijah Wood going to reprise his status as one of the Leading Adventure Boys of the silver screen? I mean, he's in a pretty exclusive club with Shia Labeouf, Hayden Christensen, and... ok, maybe more like Adventure Boy Trio. Perhaps these boys are in Phase 2 already. Maybe there should be more eyes on the upcoming recruits: Noah Gray-Cabey, Freddie Highmore, Aaron Yoo...more on this later.

On a completely unrelated note: if Step Up 2's trailers stopped playing that horribly adhesive song maybe I won't keep hearing the lyrics "with the fur, with the fur" in my head.

Questions an interviewer should not ask (and the answers I'd like to give them)

Honestly. They cross the line in terms of legality and, well, some are just plain trite.

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Hopefully as someone who doesn't ask such hackneyed questions.
How thick is your skin? Why do you ask? I mean, how unprofessional and condescending is the work environment you provide?
How old are you? That's illegal to ask. And also, hah, you never ask a woman her age.
What's your ethnicity? Other. Yeah - you've got to be kidding me.
Can you come in tomorrow for a second interview? It would be from 9 to 5. No, its not paid training, its just a long interview. No - I refuse to give up an entire day of my life to train with your company and not get paid for it because you call it an 'interview.' My time is much more valuable than that.
Why should we hire you? I think the question is really, why should I work for your company?
Actually, I don't know why she can't keep an assistant. What do you think makes you a good assistant? Why would I want to work for someone who can't even keep an assistant?

Ding dong, the strike is dead. So I've heard. Corresponding updates pending.

Movies and TV shows that make me hungry.

Hunger for certain foods. Or specific food-and-beverage venues.
Chocolat.
Waitress. I still haven't satisfied this so House of Pies has been on the brain for days.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
It Could Happen To You.
When Harry Met Sally. We'll all have what she's having.
Before Sunset. How can any European cafe not be romantic?
Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. That footage of Julia Childs and that chocolate cake.
Out of Sight. I still haven't tried bourbon. But I still want to. And I don't drink.
Rocket Science. Sometimes, a big ol' slice of pizza is all you need.

Pushing Daisies. Visually tasty, too.
Seinfeld. Various eps. There's the one about the babka and the black-and-white cookie. Big salad. Drake's coffee cakes. Entenmann's. Junior mints. Snapple? No, thanks, I'm good. I could go on, but those are the first ones that come to mind.

And On A Completely Unrelated Note

Surprisingly, I really do like Life of Ryan. First off, it's sad that he's more articulate and has better communication skills than most guys. But all the more props to the kid - he actually TALKS to his family and friends.

And to Rob Dyrdek upon seeing him throw his furniture out of the house. You people are crazy. Honestly.

In response to seeing MTV's promos for That's Amore! This make me sick. Were there any females consulted before you cut this together? I for one, do NOT plan on tuning in to the show.

Crimes, Lines, and Guest Stars

Guilty of crimes against humanity

People who have the inability to listen. ATD in kindergarten, were we?

People who can't keep things in confidence.

People who insult your intelligence.

Whoever put "coffee" in the official job description. How do you live with yourself? No, really. How do you sleep at night?

People I can't talk to about pop culture. You kill me.

Lines that steal.

"Shower shorts. For the man who has nothing to hide... but still wants to - J.D., Scrubs, 'My Screw-Up.'

"Does he have a return policy?" Simon Fuller, American Idol. In response to the audition from the girl who credited her voice as given from God. Caustic, yet hi-larious.

"I saw a cow." Lost. I'm not sure which character since I'm not a loyal viewer. Anyone want to save me the trouble? Also since when was Ken Leung on Lost and why didn't anyone tell me? He had me at Sucker Free City.

Guest stars and such
On another note, Ugly Betty haunchos, please bring back John Cho! One of my fave guest stars of the season that I wish there was more of. But did anyone see that Gabrielle Union recurring role coming? Seriously.
And all us VM fans are anxiously awaiting Kristen Bell's stint to expand upon her recurring role on Heroes and voicing Gossip Girl. Jerry Seinfeld and Conan O'Brien on 30 Rock another highlight.

Other guest stars I'm dying to see...Lauren Graham, Dane Cook, Seth Green, Drew Barrymore, Darryl 'Chill' Mitchell, Jason Mraz, Kal Penn, Janeane Garofalo, David Spade, Diego Luna, P. Diddy, Conan O'Brien (again).

Oh, the places you'll go

Western Bagel. My cup o' joe and chocolate chip bagel, and breakfast is done for less than three bucks. I glance over at the five elderly coffee buddies sitting and chatting, with a leisurely air about them. That's good, these gentlemen have friends and hobbies - and can get out of the house. Although it is a bit early for a friends' coffee gathering.

The alley behind my garage. This is when a little birdie told me that my ancient apartment building has had problems - rat problems, which prompted the trimming of the trees on our street, since apparently rats were jumping off of trees and onto our building. I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Just reeling from that disturbing mental image. Oh, right. There has been no mention to them of replacing the piping system in our building, or the hot water pressure problem. Apparently they have had problems with getting various repairs completed by the owners and management also.

Building number one, let's call it the Marshall building. I report for my temp gig twenty minutes early at the parking garage. They tell me I should go to the next garage down, let's call this one, Ray of Sunshine.

Ray of Sunshine's garage. I pull up to the gate and the attendant tells me I need to enter through the other side of the garage. She makes a call to the other gate's attendant and he informs her that I should be on Level P2. She lets me in and I finally find a parking spot on P2. I walk over to the elevators and the garage attendant sees me and steps out to find out where I'm going. He indicates that I shouldn't be here but over at the Apex building. I make a call to the agency and fill them in. I take a seat on the planters facing the elevators and wait.

Still sitting on the planters. They've checked all their records and everything has listed the initial Marshall building location. I then get back in my car and leave the parking garage (after a flustered search for the exit).

Back at the Marshall parking garage - there the attendant tells me that all the spaces are reserved, so I'm probably supposed to park somewhere else. I then get another call indicating that I should be in the Apex building.

Olive parking garage. I get off the elevators and make my way through the courtyard to the building.

Third floor. After walking down the hallway and circulating the whole floor, I find that none of the suites on the third floor indicate where the company is located. The nice enough employee in one of the suites there finds out that I should be in the other building across the courtyard, the Apex Dos building. I check with the security guard outside that I am, in fact, going in the right direction.

Apex Dos. I finally make it to the building for today's destination. In the lobby, I check in with the security guard and she issues me a pass.

The third floor suite, which the company has full reign over, has finally found its way to me and I check in with the receptionist and she shows me to my desk for the day. Oh, temping.

Three parking garages. Three parking attendants. Two security guards. And it's not even 10:00am. At least I had breakfast.


Some names may have been changed to protect the identity of...well, I guess my whereabouts. But who cares? I mean, nobody in Hollywood wants me dead yet.