Conflicted, Career Quiz Results, and It's Time For That Corona.

I'm standing in line at the checkout at the Assi market in Ktown. I'm looking over at the cashier - she is a Korean woman probably in her late 30s, early 40s. I wonder if she's happy. Or if she's content to just have a job in this bear market economy. She could be, right? But I wonder if this job is something she's ever dreamed about, about what her passions were when she was a child, or if by a convoluted series of events, she has simply found herself working here out of convenience and a strong sense of familial responsibility. I wonder.

I am at a crossroads. I can do what's responsible but not satisfying, or I can be irresponsible and pursue my passion, regardless of the costs. My instincts say to do the responsible thing; my heart, on the other hand, prefers to do otherwise. My past has not always followed my instincts, however.

I decided to take a career quiz. Here are my results:

"You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

* Artist
* Historian
* Banker
* Novelist
* University Professor
* Photographer
* Vet
* Paralegal
* Graphic Designer
* Online Content Developer
* Webmaster
* Producer
* Managing Director
* Nutritionist
* Advertising
* Nursing

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don't like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open."

The first thought that came to mind was: HOW ARE BANKER AND ARTIST IN THE SAME GROUP OF RESULTS?

But, for the most part, touché, career quiz. Touché.

I am not, nor have I ever been, a drinker. I'm an eater, though.

There are few times in life where I have felt compelled to make a drastic change in my life, regardless of the obstacles that present themselves, or how deviant from logic it may be.

I think it's a propos to find time for that Corona. With extra lime.

The Language of Roses, What Your Dancing Says About You, & Prince Charming Does Not Exist.

The Language of Roses.
I absolutely hate carnations.  They are ugly, half-shriveled looking ruffles with a pungent, powdery aroma which is suffocating.
Do men even send flowers anymore?  The romantic is a dying breed.  (note: definition below.)

The Color of Roses: What They Mean.

Red: Romance & Love.

Yellow: Friendship & Caring.

White: Innocence & Purity.

Blue: Mystery, Rarity.

Pink: Happiness.

Orange: Desire.

Lavender: Enchantment. I personally hate lavender. It reminds me of musty old curtains and Miss Havisham - old and sad and beautiful only a long time ago. Blech.

Shaking What Yo' Mama Gave Ya: What Your Moves Say About You.
Every single person has a very unique dancing style. You could dance with a few different partners, each partner doing the same exact steps, but each person has a completely different style. (Sidenote: I wonder if I could recognize who I'm dancing with when blindfolded. I am pretty confident that I'd be able to identify each partner.)

Sweaty. You can feel the hands - yup, there's always that super sweaty guy.

Slow. That one slow-moving partner, not quite yet up to speed with the music. His steps are slow, not yet skilled, and he is unsure of his footing.

Aerobic. Some partners you don't feel like dancing with once you realize that when you do dance with them, it becomes more of a workout for you and less fun. Too many spins, too many intricate moves with little breaks in between.

Do you want to know what my dance partners have said about me? I'll tell you. I've been told that when I dance, my partner can sense my anticipation of the next steps. Yup - I'm basically thinking and trying to anticipate my partner's next moves. And - partners are supposed to apply an equal amount of pressure. When my partner does not lead clearly, then I tend to take the lead. I know. Shocker.

Prince Charming does not exist.
I'm aware that more likely Mr. Good Enough or Mr. Right Now evolve into Mr. Right, or Prince Charming Enough. But - ah, perfection, it does not exist. I have not ever met Prince Charming. I did meet one that came quite close - one Prince Charming Enough. I have met Prince Socially Awkward, Prince Spastic, Prince Selfish, Prince-with-Low-Self-Esteem, Prince Rhythmically Challenged, Prince Chemistry-and-Nothing-Else, Prince Boring.

WOTW [word-of-the-week]

Romantic.
1 : consisting of or resembling a romance
2 : having no basis in fact : imaginary
3 : impractical in conception or plan : visionary
4 a : marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized b often capitalized : of, relating to, or having the characteristics of romanticism c : of or relating to music of the 19th century characterized by an emphasis on subjective emotional qualities and freedom of form; also : of or relating to a composer of this music
5 a : having an inclination for romance : responsive to the appeal of what is idealized, heroic, or adventurous b : marked by expressions of love or affection c : conducive to or suitable for lovemaking
6 : of, relating to, or constituting the part of the hero especially in a light comedy
[www.merriam-webster.com]

Behold, the Power of the Cute Boy.

It happened.  Who knew?  I started taking an improv class a few weeks ago.  This is week four, and every week I have dreaded going to class.  Yeah, the class is long, and yeah, it's out of my comfort zone, and yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing.
But today, at tonight's class, I had a little fun.  There is the girl that reminds you of one of the girls you went to high school with, the down-to-earth one that gets along with everyone.  Then there's the girl that looks like a track star.  And then there's a guy that we learn wrestles for WWE.  Oh yeah - and I noticed there was a cute boy in my class - let's call him 'Face.'  Face looks pretty young, I'm guessing no more than 22 or 23 years old.  Adorable.  You just wanna hug him.  Fresh-faced guy who reminds me of a guy I used to know. 

Why do we instantly gravitate towards people who remind us of people we used to know?  I mean, of course the physical familiarity gives us a sense of comfort - but after fully knowing well that these are complete strangers that simply resemble faces of our past, why do we still do it? 

Maybe it was the tee-shirt-and-cardigan combo with that effortless mix of preppy and casual.  Subtle, yet effective.  Hellooo, motivation!

Ladies, beware: you can never outgrow the Power of the Cute Boy.  Has Liz Lemon taught us nothing from her experience with Jamie?
[30 Rock, Season 2, 'Cougars']
(Photo: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWH6QHzXvUx4Phnx519609o9aGQSEBVEdcTqQJhi9X9FBri9eACpU8UgUB3oZazS5BmPrb965dToskuHqE4RhxfxCL9FPLgbVvV5FH-Sc3pzyBGwW7JrOQnWAOIjoe8oOf4xKhyphenhyphenAirovFX/s1600-r/30+Rock+01.jpg)

COTW [crush-of-the-week]

Fresh-faced boys in your class.  Or workplace.  Basically the Cute Boy Power that helps motivate you to go.

Ginger Ale, Cupcake Thoughts, and Preparing for Famine.

I like to keep ginger ale handy for those moments that arise when my stomach feels queasy; it calms everything down. I wish there was something else that you could drink - something sweet and bubbly, but that had a calming effect on all the events in your life.
I don't even drink soda. I do drink tons of water - abnormally large amounts.

I've enjoyed a time of harvest - "a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage."

Now, I'm preparing for a time of famine - you know, just to be prepared. I went to Whole Foods to buy some $4 yogurt, and when I couldn't find it, ended up spending $10 on ONE big jar of yogurt instead. I cringed but I had already picked it out and gotten in line - there was no turning back.

I'm thinking about cupcakes as I write this. Yummy Cupcakes on Magnolia Blvd. has this Fudge cupcake with the perfect chocolate frosting, light enough and just sweet enough, and a dollop of chocolate ganache in the middle. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Who knew that, as a kid, the same trivial things in life are what would linger on in your thoughts as an adult? I can't remember the last time I had one of these - I should wait until the next special occasion, or birthday, or - the next time there is a reason to celebrate. My sweet tooth kicks in at the end of the day, at the end of a dinner - I just need something sweet in my life. Like my affinity for hot sauces. Sometimes you need to add some spice, and sometimes, you just need to sweeten things up.

But beware, fine dining. Must cut back on the fancy. I didn't realize I was fancy - shocker, I know. There will be exceptions, I am sure. Once Trader Joe's has their sundried tomato spread back in stock again, though...

Broken Glass, Everywhere! No Pain, No Gain. Again.

Ok - maybe the title is a bit dramatic. I do enjoy that Kweli song, though.

I knocked a glass onto my kitchen floor and it shattered. As I stood there, just staring at the broken pieces on the floor, I didn't move quickly to clean it up - I just stood and stared for a moment at the mess before me. The analogy hit a little too close to home. While in my home. I'm still finding and cleaning up shards of glass even a few days later.

No Pain, No Gain. Again.
I went running at the park - blue skies, sunny day. A thin, petite woman in a long-sleeved shirt and sweat pants whisked past me in the opposite direction, her face intense in focused concentration.

I returned to the same park the very next morning. I see the same woman, decked in full magenta track suit, this time carrying two small weights. I need to up my game, I thought. I immediately break into a run.
When you're not a runner, and you don't run on a regular basis, you get those sharp side stitches of stabbing pain; basically, a cramp. So I'm running. It's a beautiful yet cool morning - I'm passing the golfers on the right. My lungs begin to burn but I am running through the pain.

I tried yoga once with a friend - it didn't feel like I was doing anything that could possibly pass as sufficient exercise - we were just breathing. I think I'd rather pound the pavement. Feel the pain. Yep, real normal.

Risk, baby.

WOTW [word-of-the-week]

risk. noun.
1. possibility of loss or injury: peril.
2. something or someone that creates or suggests a hazard.
3. a : the chance of loss or the perils to the subject matter of an insurance contract; also : the degree of probability of such loss b : a person or thing that is a specified hazard to an insurer c : an insurance hazard from a specified cause or source
4 : the chance that an investment (as a stock or commodity) will lose value
[www.webster.com]

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." ~Pablo Picasso

"I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I'm not afraid of falling into my inkpot." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down." ~Ray Bradbury

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” ~Paulo Coelho

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.” ~Paulo Coelho

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." ~Isaiah 41:10

Immature & Irresponsible.

I Love Virgin America.
In-flight satellite television. Food and beverages on demand. Movies on demand. Friendly flight attendants - the ones that don't seem beaten down by life. This airline is too cool for school, just like you.
Hey - it's the little things in life. Liz Lemon would know what I'm talking about!

I wish I invented Virgin America. And Zappos.
Can I have my money now?

Took some days for R&R to visit a few friends in nyc. This is what happens as we walk down the street. It's probably 40 degrees outside.

Me: Is your face cold?
Friend: No.
Me: Oh. (break) Yeah, me either.

Immature & Irresponsible.
I'm too old to be immature and irresponsible. I don't think I was ever irresponsible, even when I was young. I'm so responsible that, as an adult, I contemplate how and why and the context in which I would plan to be irresponsible; a premeditated kind. A Planned Irresponsibility. What an oxymoron.

You can't always do what you want. There are consequences, responsibilities, etc. many things, all the things about LIFE and REALITY that you can't control.

Inevitably, and surprisingly still, I find myself in the situation. And I am left wondering how exactly it is that I got there. How exactly did everything come to this? Romeo and Juliet didn't know that the sparks would lead to offing themselves; they didn't think it would come to that. But, they always knew what they wanted at any given moment - that consistency didn't seem to waver.

I've been waxing poetic on this only because its been weighing heavily upon me. What next? What does the girl in the mirror say? Stay tuned, folks!

WOTW

polemic. An aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another; the art or practice of disputation or controversy; an aggressive controversialist.

Damn Sexy. And, Mr. Good Enough.

Some days, you feel Damn Sexy. Not sexy, but Damn Sexy.

Today, however, is not one of those days.

I put some toothpaste on a double-whitehead pimple last night. Yep - not one, but two whiteheads seemed to emerge out of nowhere, right next to each other. It has morphed into THE ONE BIG PIMPLE. I hyperbolize. It's different if you already have a dozen blemishes; what's one more ? It's another story, when you have THE ONE BIG PIMPLE. Oh well. Life goes on.

Mr. Good Enough
I've given it some thought. Some people wait forever looking for Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right. But there are a few people you run into - Mr. Good Enough. Perhaps some women are considering opting for this gentleman when they meet him. You're not settling if you stop looking for something that doesn't exist, right? You're just choosing an option, more, let's say, real ?
Let's come back to this topic later.

Hollywood Assistants
Some people ask me what it is I do. I answer, and, naturally, I think of characters from film and television to draw as examples.

Andrea Sachs, Anne Hathaway's character on The Devil Wears Prada.

Lloyd, Ari Gold's assistant on Entourage.

Jonathan, Jack Donaghy's assistant on 30 Rock.

Doralee Rhodes in Nine to Five. She worked in Mr. Hart's office.