Paella, you can't have everything, SIACYCGOO, and Let the Time Wasting Stop. Or, at least, make some cutbacks.

I really do like paella.
Tossing some saffron. Actually, if you must ask, I kicked off a hailstorm of ingredients - sauteed tomatoes, garlic, shrimp, scallops, lemon...but something about having the energy and motivation to cook has me thinking maybe something's just a little bit different. Maybe it's the vitamin B12 pills I've been popping for about three weeks now. Who knew? Last week I was hot in the kitchen.

I don't do what I want.
I usually say that I, pretty much, for the most part, within reason and life's limits, and within fiscally responsible spending habits, do what I want.
It occurred to me that this isn't always the case. I used to want to go to the gym. Now, it's an internal struggle.
As a wise friend once told me what her even wiser mother balked at her:
"you can't have everything."

SIACYCGOO.
I've concluded that there is a woman that works in my office whom I absolutely cannot stand. Let's call her, "Stuck-in-a-Conversation-you-can't-get-out-of." Or, SIACYCGOO for short. Wait - still too long. Ok, just SIAC. Fuckin' nut.

Maybe the problem with today's society isn't obesity in America. I think it's COMMON SENSE and DECENT SOCIAL SKILLS. Communications 101 - I guess SIAC was ATD (absent that day) in class.

How much longer do I have to listen to this senseless barrage of chatter? I know when I talk you're just waiting to talk. When you're talking - well, I learned that I shouldn't bother listening - just look for a way to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. (Another example of Doing Things You Don't Want To Do.)

There are too many ways to waste time. Harder to be productive than ever.

Let the Time Wasting Stop. Or, at least, make cutbacks.
COTW: Being productive!
It's so hard to get your shit together and be productive. Why, after moving to la-la land, surrounded by creative types and industryfolk, have things gotten so stagnant and, well, discouraging? This weird haze of forgetting your purpose since costs and the almighty day job popped up.

There are so many ways to waste time. Googling. Facebooking and Twittering. Watching movies and wallflowering at Borders and surfing Hulu. Online shopping. Grazing some jams on iTunes. Running errands. Vacation and airfare searching. Sitting and staring. Being an old dude and standing outside of a certain apartment building, smoking with your fellow old dudes and yammering the night away. (Dang! Don't you bugs ever go inside your own homes? GO home, old dudes. Go and be an old dude inside your own home.)

Friend: Why haven't you joined Twitter yet?
Me: I don't know, I'm on facebook -
Friends: Twitter is where you can reach people you don't necessarily know personally or through a friend.
Me: I don't want to have to set up a new profile and all -
Friend: But Twitter tells you about the Kogi taco truck. And the cupcake truck.
Me: Cupcake truck?
Friend: Cupcake truck.
Me: Ah, cupcake truck...no. No, you know, I just don't need another time wasting website at this point in my life right now.

My Apartment Hunting Checklist.

I would save soooo much money if I lived in the burbs with my parents. But then I'd be - living in the burbs - with my parents.
As we near the end date of our lease, I dread the looming task of apartment hunting yet again. This would be move number five in four years. And why, in this tinseltown of golden dreams and high hopes, are all the apartments in the land dank and kind of depressing?

Anyhew, here's what I've got on my Checklist to begin with...

Parking: covered, gated, and not tandem.

Neighbors: None under the age of 5 (meaning, not of the wailing-and-crying stock.)

Pets: None in the building, none that can be heard. I am not what you'd call pet-friendly.

Square Footage: 500 SF at least, ideally. And a loft with 30 foot high ceilings. Hey, I still dare to dream.

Inhabitants: Does not come with a roommate. But will probably be priced such that I will wish I had a roommate.

Neighborhood: Downtown/Koreatown/Hollywood. Basically any part of town where I can get to a metro and thus, not drive to work. Maybe then I'll sell my car and only consort with those who live near metro stations or pick me up from my abode.

What I found in my mother's kitchen.

Or, more like what I didn't find.

After a hearty 12 hours of hibernation, I ventured downstairs to the kitchen - breakfast at noon. I was starved.

Let's see here- a dozen eggs, yes!
Ketchup? Not here.
Bread ? None.
Butter? No. Wait - yes there is some. In a 32 ounce block. When did they switch from Shedd's spread to real butter ? Things sure have changed in this family.
Cheese? Yes. I wonder how old this thing is.
"Sell by - a long ass time ago." I'll pass, thank you.
Bread in the freezer maybe? No. Some frozen waffles though - hmm this may be a back-up.
Maple syrup? Nope. Hmm.
Jelly? Yes! A scanty little portion of sugar free strawberry preserves.
Coffee? Ehh. The instant little coffee mix packs for individual servings. Meaning, not the good kind.
Juice? Negative. How can a family of three survive on such an empty fridge ?

And breakfast - is done. Just - nobody come over unexpectedly - because there is no ketchup, no syrup, and no coffee. But we can make you some scrambled eggs with no ketchup.

Those are not happy eggs.

getting outta town

Hopping on a flight from LAX to PHL, I wondered if Richard Simmons was cold wearing those shorts.

I couldn't help but secretly wish I was about to board a plane to Paris or Spain or London. This caught me by surprise as I waited at the gate. Didn't see that coming. A few years in LA, and maybe I need to take a real vacation, despite all the obvious reasons not to do so. Or maybe it is, in fact, time for a new adventure - travel to a foreign destination, a completely unknown locale.

All I know is, I'm taking vitamins, gradually getting back to the gym, psycho sleeping for 10 hours at a time, and yet still I am more exhausted than ever. And developing carpal tunnel to boot. And now I am getting a migraine.

Ah, things to think about.

Opportunity Available: New Crush Wanted.

Applications available by referral only.

New Crush Wanted.

Types: Clean-cut, tall, and handsome. Not afraid to man up. (I know that this last point rules out most guys in the greater Los Angeles area.)

Words: Articulate, polite, smart, witty, clean, made of gentleman stock.

Trademarks: Walks around to my side of the car to get the door before he gets over to his. Offers his jacket when I am fricking freezing, here.

Personal qualities: mature, down-to-earth, and a man of faith.

Smarts: can add numbers, spell correctly, and has an advanced grasp of the English language. Understanding of additional languages, a plus.

Likes: Doughnuts, baking cupcakes, watching movies, days at the beach, getting outta town, hot coffee, brunch, sushi, meat, Spanish tapas, chocolate, pie, cooking, Top Chef, Jason Mraz, Conan O'Brien, BoyzIIMen, and Counting Crows to begin with.

Knows: How to salsa dance, fix a flat tire, change a lightbulb.
Can carry a conversation about: backpacking in Europe, the movie Goonies, or shows like Boy Meets World, The Wonder Years, and 30 Rock. Knows how to have a little fun.

Golden tickets: Knows how to be a good listener. Knows that when a woman is talking about a problem she is not always looking for him to fix it, but sometimes just to shut up and listen.

Bills.

Recent credit card damages:

MILT & EDIE'S $24.00 - Comforter cleaning for the season.
ZAPPOS.COM $81.95 - zappos.com is my new best friend. I will never shop for shoes in a store ever again!
EXXONMOBIL $42.15 - gas.
EDIBLE ARRANGEMENTS $38.50 - birthday gift.
KABUKI REST HOLLYWOOD $18.98 - dinner.
EDIBLE ARRANGEMENTS $0.13 - that test pending charge from the other purchase.
TARGET $22.72 -necessary evil. If you went to the one at Empire Center you'd know my pain.
MARSHALLS $27.30 - found a belt and a pashmina.
HUGO S, STUDIO CIT $47.33 - brunch with the crush.
SHELL OIL $33.77 - you know.
H&M #138 SUNSET BLVD $88.11 - was still on the jeans-buying circuit.
OFF BROADWAY SHOES $32.67 - I needed black sandals. They were the only thing I could remotely fit my abnormally shaped feet in.
USAIRWAYS $381.20 - roundtrip airfare to visit back East, and thus, GET OUTTA TOWN.
HOUSE OF PIES $10.50 - one pumpkin pie. I was craving pie something fierce that day.
CVS $13.40 - band aids, moth ball refills.
DENNY'S $15.55 - impromptu late night bite with the girls.
BEDBATH & BEYOND $23.82 - earring tree. I'm trying to get organized, here.
PROGRESSIVE $95 - car insurance payment
TRADER JOE'S $18.10 - food.
ALBERTSON'S $7.15 - I was out of cheese. And yogurt.
COFFEE BEAN $3.90 - needed my vanilla latte fix.
LULU'S CAFE $16.20 - those pancakes. And their coffee is one of those strong-and-good ones that make you feel better about life.
FLAIRS $11.66 - alterations to jeans. See above H&M charge.
TRADER JOE'S $10.76 - got hungry again.
NAKWON HOUSE $17.46 - dinner with a friend.
CAFFE VILLAGE $23.12 - catching up with a friend over food.
MILT & EDIE'S $95.40 - dress alterations. (See next item)
BCBG $257.something - bought three dresses and a clutch. What, they were on sale! Did I mention I bought THREE?

No wonder I'm on a tight budget...I keep spending as if I don't know that...

Bitch, please.

"Hey, you know, when you talk to the bagel guy, you should ask them to switch to a different kind of cream cheese, and..."

Not the best thing for someone to open with when they walk to your cubicle on a grey Monday morning. Best to cut 'em off.

"I don't talk to the bagel guy."
"Oh, you don't?"
"No, they just deliver."
"Oh, well, if you can-"
"If you want to change the cream cheese flavors, then feel free to go ahead and call them."
"Oh ok. Well why don't you just give me the number -"
"I'll email you."
"Well you can write it down for me on a post-it and I'll call them."

So I stop whatever the fuck I'm doing and write down the phone number to the bagel place because you're complaining about the cream cheese flavors of the bagels you're getting for free ?!

Bitch, please.