Saturday, December 6, 2008

At ease, soldier.

What a gloriously deliciously feeling it is to have family in town. A piece of home, of who you are, comfort, love, and for the first time in what feels like ages, I felt relaxed. Having a bit lighter of a load to bear when life decides to drop some knowledge on you is something I've always taken for granted before finishing school.

As if all these months and years of independence and fighting (for everything, it seems) have somehow left me a much more guarded person, I've realized. Is it a sign of defeat that I've accepted that everyone in SoCal is flaky and who cares at the end of the day, anyway? I could always pretend that it's something I didn't really want, it wasn't that important to me, so I can immediately lighten any possible disappointment anyone could possibly drop on me.
I feel that I have to have my guard up, so much second nature that it took just a short while of time with family to distinguish it. Protectiveness, I know, the kind of thing I've been grasping so tightly onto while setting to accomplish everything else.